You Aren’t Who You Think You Are.
Well, maybe you are. Maybe you really are who you think you are. But I’m willing to bet you’re not.
First of all… there is really very little we can “know” through the thinking mind. Our mind wants to believe it has the answers. It wants so very badly to think it can logically determine what is right for us. Our ego will certainly try to make us believe it does. But the truth is, it can’t. Our bodies and our souls are actually far more equipped to know what is truly in alignment with who we are, what we desire, and what we are capable of. Whether that comes through the more emotional and instinctual splenic knowing, through a sacral gut response, or through emotional awareness and knowing depends largely on our own unique authority for decision making.
There is also intuitive knowing and the fact that the Universe has a far grander and expansive imagination and knowing of what is possible for us than our logical brain could ever come up with even in our grandest of fantasies. It’s simply not possible for the brain to know the situations we will be presented with and the people we will meet in our lives that will lead us down paths we never knew could even exist, let alone could see or imagine.
What all this comes back to is that the brain doesn’t know all the answers. So you may think you know who you are, but thinking is not where those answers lie. And that is just one of the reasons why I bet you don’t know who you are.
So is the other reason? Conditioning! We have all been conditioned throughout our lives. Conditioned, moulded, and shaped into a way of being and responding to life based on who we grew up with and what we were exposed to.
Basically the first 7 years of your life you are a giant sponge soaking up every belief and behavior about yourself and the world at large from your caregivers. In those first 7 years we aren’t capable of forming our own perceptions and opinions on the world. We have no conscious control over what we believe. We just absorb and absorb and absorb again the beliefs and behaviours we are exposed to. We believe it to be all there is. We have no ability to discern whether we believe it is true to us or true at all. It just is. As we develop our conscious mind we still continue to take on more conditioning. We learn that we by behaving or not behaving in certain ways we can keep ourselves safe. We can avoid the discomfort of fear and rejection, ridicule and reprimand, by molding our behavior to please or appease others. Or we rebel and perform to attract the attention and approval that we’re lacking.
You may be so certain about qualities about yourself that make you who you are. You may even describe yourself as being those things to others because you’ve been so attached to them. Some of these qualities may be things you judge to be positive or negative qualities. And whether these qualities were judged by those around you as you grew up as positive or negative will again color your perception of these qualities.
Let’s imagine someone is naturally a very quiet person. The grew up being told they were boring and uninteresting so they learned how to by loud, boisterous, funny, or entertaining to gain the approval of others.
Meanwhile in another home a very precocious and lively child was admonished for being loud and obnoxious and ill mannered. So they grow up learning how to be meek and quiet. They are praised for how polite and unassuming they are and become attached to that identity.
Is one better than the other? Of course not! Nothing is wrong with either of these ways of being. What’s wrong is that neither one of these people is being authentic to who they truly are. They don’t even realize they’ve been fighting the nature of who they are because the path that conditioned them towards their current way of being has long since been forgotten.
The funny thing is often people can see the real us better than we can. They can see the glints of light flashing through. They’re attracted to it like moths to a flame. But we can’t see that truth. We don’t even realize how exhausted we are trying to keep it at bay.
In can be shocking to discover that so much of how you’ve identified yourself is nothing more than a lie and an attempt to keep yourself feeling safe. The struggle, the sadness, the feelings of being lost, unseen, unfulfilled are the tragic punchline to this life of illusion. You start feeling that calling, that knowing that there is so much more to you than meets the eye but you’re terrified. The glimpses you’ve seen of what are possible you feel alien to you. Impossible.
Yet they’re there. The nudges to see yourself as so much more. You start feeling braver, even a little excited at the idea of stepping into the real you. Who will she be? Can she really be that much different?
Here’s the crazy part. You know you feel called for “more”. To step into your highest self. Your best self. Your best life.
But this “more”, this “highest” version of you doesn’t necessarily mean you have to do or BE this profoundly successful or famous or impactful person. It doesn’t mean It’s not this unattainable dream of becoming this idealized perception of you that you’ve been putting on this pedestal all this time.
This version of you already exists. You don’t have to find her. You don’t have to achieve a litany of things to become her. YOU ARE HER. You just have to remember.
You just have to let go. You just have to trust and surrender. Let go of all the layers you’ve accumulated over the years. Let go of all the masks. Let go of all the limiting beliefs and illusions. Let go of all the conditions you’ve put on finally feeling lovable, worthy, and successful. You just have to let go and surrender to the fact that you are already her. You are perfect and happy and safe and loved and supported exactly where you are right now. You have to let go of the idea you need to be more or different. You just have to let go and see who you ARE.
I never thought I would achieve any kind of surrender. I couldn’t understand what it meant. And I certainly don’t expect that I can adequately explain it to you in a way you’ll understand. All I know is that since I’ve surrendered and finally let go those layers are started to not just peel back but fall off in sheets.
It’s confusing, and scary, and wonderful to start discovering the possibility of who I really am beneath all that. Just in the last few days alone I’ve uncovered two startling truths about myself. To see it now makes it feel almost laughable that I couldn’t see it before.
I’ve spent a large part of my life saying things like… “I’m not a crier.” “I don’t like chick flicks.” “I’m more like a man than a girl. I don’t do mushy.” “I’m just not emotional like that.”
Well it turns out that I AM EMOTIONAL. I’m stating it. I’m embracing it. I’m owning. And good lord am I emotional. I am painfully and uncomfortable and intensely emotional. The depth of my emotions is what caused me to shut them down and lock them away so very long ago. I almost forgot how to feel. But boy am I FEELING now. And it feels so good. Terrifying and wild but good!
I’ve also always believed I’m not an advocate. I’m not a champion of any causes. I just don’t believe or stand by anything that strongly. Well as I am allowing the depth of my emotions to come forth I’ve also had to acknowledge that this is also a lie. The truth is I’ve just become so conditioned to avoid conflict and not rock the boat that I’m not willing to be vocal about what I believe in. I’ve been to afraid. I’m still not sure if I’m at a place I can start shifting this part of myself but the awareness is there. And awareness my friend is that first, and oh so important, first step.
So… Do You Know Who You Are?
Are you ready to find out? I’ll tell you something right now. She’s AMAZING and there are people out there right now that are waiting to see the real you. They need to see the real you. Why? So they can finally feel that true connection with someone and feel seen. So they can know they are safe to be who they are. And when you finally allow her to be seen you will finally know what it feels the capacity for true love, fulfillment, and peace. The kind that comes from inside. The kind that never goes away. The kind that doesn’t have to wait for the money, the success, the relationships, the stuff, or anything else.
It’s time to BE who you ARE and embody the beauty of your soul in this human life in all her splendor.